By Roberta Milanese - IGB Colloquium
A person is unable to face the crowd and can no longer borrow means of transport. This avoidance is not the right strategy for her to solve her problem. The person tells themselves that they should avoid avoiding but they do not feel capable of doing so.
What to do in this case?
Reason could only increase his resistance to change.
Let's imagine a reframing : each time you avoid facing something because of fear, it's as if you put in place, both what you want (to avoid) and at the same time, you confirm to yourself even you are not able. This 2nd message (you are not capable) which is unconscious and very powerful is the one which contributes to maintain your problem and to make it worsen. Of course you can't avoid avoiding, today you can't, but you have to think that each time you avoid you maintain your problem and you make the problem worse.
Pessoa says: "I carry on my back all the wounds of the battles that I have avoided".
In most cases the person comes back to the 2nd session and takes a better look at his problem. We used his resistance.
We created for him a fear greater than his fear. We challenged her fear by telling her she wouldn't be able to. And added an aphorism to add something analog to logical reframing.
This is an example that shows the importance of paying attention to communication AND to the relationship.
As Milton Erickson says: "every person is unique and original. From a communication and relationship point of view, a unique response is needed."
Guideline: the speaker adapts to the person in front of him.
Giorgio Nardone speaks of tuning in = relational and communicational position to introduce the fastest change.
The speaker must know how to move and move like the person.
The speaker must dance the person's dance. Move from a high to a low position; warm to distant; verbal and non-verbal modes of communication. The guideline: be guided by the person's disorder.
