Perfectionism, often perceived as a quality, can become dysfunctional and affect well-being. The strategies of strategic systemic therapy transform this quest into a path of resilience and adaptation to regain healthy emotional balance.
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Dysfunctional perfectionism
“Reality is a broken mirror of which each individual holds a piece” Jalal Ibn Rumi
Perfectionism is often seen as a positive quality, as a noble pursuit and is valued in our society as a sign of rigor and excellence. It is associated with success and perseverance. When this relentless pursuit of perfection becomes dysfunctional, it can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, and emotional exhaustion. It can lead to rigid behaviors and emotional disturbances.
Understanding Dysfunctional Perfectionism
Dysfunctional perfectionism is characterized by an unhealthy obsession with success and an intolerance of failure. This rigid attitude prevents people from recognizing the value of mistakes as learning opportunities. Unlike healthy perfectionism, which can be a motivator, dysfunctional perfectionism is associated with unrealistic standards and a constant fear of error, feelings of frustration, often leading to feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness and low self-esteem . This dichotomous view of success and failure prevents dysfunctional perfectionists from recognizing and appreciating the nuances of their progress and achievements. They are trapped in a binary thinking cycle where everything is either perfect or a total failure, which prevents them from recognizing and appreciating their education and achievements, leaving no room for learning through error.
On the path to resilience
What are the strategies of strategic systemic therapy, drawing inspiration from the work of the School of Palo Alto and the Center for Strategic Therapy (CTS) of Arezzo , to help dysfunctional perfectionists adopt healthier and more functional ways of thinking? ? How can their clinical interventions be effective and how can their approaches help perfectionist patients overcome their difficulties? How can adapted therapeutic strategies transform this quest for perfection into a path of adaptation and resilience?
Perfectionist people feel constant pressure to achieve absolute levels of perfection, often to the detriment of their emotional well-being and their ability to cope with unexpected events. They see the world in alternative terms, where only absolute success is acceptable, leading to feelings of inadequacy. Their rigid view of the world pushes them to avoid situations that are potentially sources of failure, which limits their ability to face challenges and adapt to changes.
The perfectionist's worldview
To understand and treat dysfunctional perfectionism, it is essential to understand the perfectionist's worldview. According to Gregory Bateson , our perception of reality is subjective and shaped by our experiences and interactions. Dysfunctional perfectionists view the world through a rigid prism of success and failure, where only perfect performance is acceptable. This limits their ability to accept and learn from trials. This rigid outlook hinders their ability to tolerate uncertainty and learn from failure. This perception, influenced by internalized beliefs, prevents them from seeing mistakes as natural stages of learning and personal growth. They avoid situations where they might fail, thereby closing the door to resilience and functional adaptation.
They have a marked aversion to any situation that could jeopardize their image of perfection.
Tal Ben-Shahar describes this phenomenon as a polarized way of thinking, preventing perfectionists from seeing the complexity and nuances of life by limiting their ability to accept imperfection as a normal part of the human experience.
Resilience and circular processes, deceleration path
Circular thinking, where mistakes and failures are seen as learning opportunities, is essential for dysfunctional perfectionists who often avoid failure and disorder, thereby blocking their resilience and ability to adapt. By reintegrating a more flexible worldview, it is possible to develop true resilience, essential to overcoming challenges and achieving success.
The authors of the book Like a Phoenix and Charles C. Manz emphasize the importance of failure in success, while recalling that resilience is cultivated and trained, allowing individuals to transform their defeats into strengths. It is in this dynamic that flexible thinking becomes an inner teacher, teaching true freedom.
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Abandon the idea of absolute knowledge
“The important thing is not what happens, but what we do” – Aldous Huxley
To transcend the trap of perfectionism, it is essential to abandon the idea of absolute knowledge and adopt a flexible and adaptive approach to reality. Giorgio Nardone , drawing on the teachings of Von Glasersfeld, advocates the adoption of an "operational consciousness" allowing reality to be managed in a functional way.
Rather than revealing self-deception, he suggests using this understanding to effectively adapt to challenges encountered. The notion of self-deception, a concept introduced by Giorgio Nardone, plays a central role in strategic systemic therapy. By helping patients recognize and challenge their rigid beliefs about success, perfectionists must learn to reevaluate their failures not as disasters, but as opportunities for learning and personal growth.
Readjustment and adaptation
Perfectionists can transform their thinking by embracing a circular process where blunders are learning methods rather than absolute accidents. This flexible way of thinking allows one to continually readjust behaviors to adapt to life's changing demands. Patterns of thinking, emotions and behaviors that do not produce the desired results (positive feedback) offer valuable guidance for readjusting our actions (negative feedback). This circular process allows for continuous and proactive adaptation to changing reality. In contrast to dysfunctional perfectionists who avoid failure and chaotic situations, those who adopt this circular approach are better equipped to adapt and succeed in varied environments.
Therapeutic strategies
The strategic systemic approach , developed by the Palo Alto School and the CTS of Arezzo, offers valuable relational strategies and therapeutic interventions to treat dysfunctional perfectionism. These approaches emphasize changing dysfunctional thought and behavior patterns and broadening and transforming patients' worldviews. By encouraging patients to view their challenges from a different perspective, therapists can encourage more adaptive and constructive responses.
Functional Perfectionist – The Optimalist
Concept of the Optimalist
Tal Ben-Shahar introduces the concept of the optimist as one who accepts failure as a natural step, as an integral part of the path to success. Unlike the dysfunctional perfectionist, the optimist embraces imperfections as essentials and sees life as an upward spiral punctuated by necessary detours to achieve their goals. This flexibility allows him to learn lessons, knowing that every detour provides a learning opportunity to maintain a constructive and resilient perspective.
Flexible and open vision
The optimist cultivates a flexible and open worldview, perceiving challenges as opportunities to explore new possibilities and strengthen their skills, as enriching learning opportunities rather than as insurmountable obstacles. He maintains a benevolent judgment towards himself and others. He is able to integrate feedback from others in a constructive manner, thereby improving his performance and interpersonal relationships.
The need for others to find oneself
In therapy for perfectionist patients, the relationship between patient and therapist is crucial. Giorgio Nardone underlines the difficulty of analyzing oneself without a mirror, which makes the therapeutic relationship essential. This strategic support helps therapists navigate the complexities of caring for these patients, providing them with tools to understand and effectively intervene on the mental processes of perfectionism.
Therapeutic relationship
A secure relationship allows the patient to discover and exploit their own internal resources to overcome challenges and achieve their full potential. The relationship is at the heart of the intervention.
The first step is to establish a trusting relationship with the patient/client, recognizing and validating their feelings of stress and frustration and assuring them that their concerns were taken seriously.
The work then focused on cognitive restructuring, helping the patient adopt a more nuanced vision of success and failure. Stress management techniques are also introduced to help them better manage their anxiety and improve their overall well-being.
The therapeutic relationship is essential to help perfectionists find their internal resources.
Julien Betbèze , specialist in Ericksonian hypnosis, underlines the importance of a secure relationship to allow the patient to reconnect with their body and its resources.
Relationship strategies
The therapist must use various strategies and relational ploys to help perfectionists overcome their resistance to change. Giorgio Nardone proposes techniques like "To sail the sea without the sky knowing" or "To win without fighting" to overcome resistance and induce change, aiming to disrupt rigid thought patterns and encourage the exploration of new ways of see and act. It is essential that therapeutic interventions are adapted to the patient's specific beliefs and needs, thus promoting positive and lasting evolution. It is also important to embrace the patient's worldview and use calibrated interventions to create new and functional solutions.
The patient is encouraged to develop resilience by accepting mistakes as an integral part of their life journey. The concept of circular processes, where every action and reaction influences each other, is used to reinforce this new perspective, helping the patient see mistakes as necessary steps towards improvement.
Towards balanced excellence
Dysfunctional perfectionism is a complex challenge, for individuals seeking to achieve excellence while maintaining emotional well-being, that requires an integrated and nuanced therapeutic approach. By combining the theories and techniques of the Palo Alto School and the CTS of Arezzo , therapists can help perfectionists transform their unrealistic expectations into adaptive and achievable goals and develop a more flexible and adaptive view of the world, thus promoting their well-being and resilience. Through targeted interventions and a deep understanding of interactional patterns, it is possible to transform the lives of dysfunctional perfectionists and guide them toward a more balanced and fulfilling existence.
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References
- Bardot, E. - Bardot, V. - Roy, S. (2022). From HTSMA to bond therapy and relational worlds, Satas
- Ben-Shahar, T. (2011). Learning from imperfection, Pocket
- Nardone, G. (1999). Psychosolutions, Enrick Editions
- Nardone, G. - Chiodini, M. - Meringolo, P. (2016). Like a phoenix, Enrick Editions
- Nardone, G. (2008). Ride your tiger, Editions du Seuil
- Nardone, G. - Balbi, E. (2008). Traveling the sea unbeknownst to the sky, Le Germe
- Ramirez, M. (2009). Can these perfectionist people be happy? Edition Le jour Eds
- Wittezaele, J. J. (2003). The relational man, Color Threshold Psy Course
Where to train in the systemic and strategic approach?
- LACT offers several live certified web training courses with 50 international trainers.
- Generalist systemic training
- DU in Relationship Clinic with the University of Paris 8
- Clinical Masters with specialization in psychopathology with Pr Nardone's CTS
- Systemic Coach Training
- Systemic training in relationship management with the University of Grenoble
