The problems of modern families: Freedom and responsibility

In today's rapidly changing society, we have noticed the emergence of several new parenting styles, which reflect different beliefs and values ​​around this role. One of the most common models is what we call the democratic-permissive model, which emphasizes the absence of hierarchy within the family unit. This democratic model of parenting emphasizes equality, negotiation and open communication within the family unit, which is commendable. However, like everything in life, if taken to excess, it can cause certain difficulties. These difficulties often arise when the balance between freedom and responsibility is not carefully maintained by parents. The consequences and implications of this model, presented here, highlight potential areas of concern for parents seeking to foster healthy family dynamics.

Training and ideology

The democratic-permissive model arises from the ideological foundations established in our families of origin or through our experiences as adolescents, particularly if we join or engage in certain social, political, and cultural groups. This particular form of care and family dynamics rightly rejects authoritarianism. The couple's formation phase, before having children, often involves the negotiation of large margins of freedom for both partners, with equal economic situations and shared domestic responsibilities.

Model Prerequisites

Actions and behaviors

Actions must be motivated by belief and consent rather than imposition.

Dialogue and consensus

Consent is obtained through open dialogue based on valid and reasonable arguments. One member's disagreement has the power to block decisions, which can lead to difficulty reaching consensus.

Agreement on rules

The rules are established through negotiation, which ensures fairness and balance.

Prevention of abuse of power: Negotiation acts as a countermeasure against excesses of power.

Harmony at all costs

The main goal is to achieve harmony and minimize conflicts.

Equal rights

All family members have the same rights within the household.

Flexibility and abandonment

Such a model promotes flexible interactions within the couple, where complementary roles and capabilities are seen as accepted by both parties. However, when conflicts arise or an escalation is looming, this pattern can lead to the capitulation of one of the members of the couple, generally the one who is less inclined to communicate their annoyances, to argue or to confront. This tendency to abandon, unintentionally chosen to maintain "family peace", can become a precursor of complications for the couple when children enter the picture. It should also be noted that, in an attempt to appear modern and in tune with their children's interests, parents may imitate their children's clothing style and musical preferences, and may even engage in similar activities; you only need to attend a rock concert to see the demographic breakdown. However, this imitation can blur hierarchies and roles for children and can potentially compromise parents' credibility and ability to support their children during difficult times, particularly during adolescence.

The risks of permissiveness

With the arrival of children in the family, this permissive model faces new challenges. Without appropriate adaptations, this pattern can unintentionally lead to excessive permissiveness, where children gain disproportionate power and influence over decision-making within the family. By prematurely admitting children into the "court" of family discussions, they risk being confronted with responsibilities that they are not ready to assume due to their development, which can create a real form of anxiety for the child. growing child.

Lack of consequences

Unlike traditional democratic systems that exist in the Western world, the democratic-permissive family model is often devoid of practical consequences for violating the rules. Rules are expressed and discussed gently, blurring the lines between what constitutes rules and what constitutes advice or suggestions. This inconsistency can dangerously contribute to a permanent fluctuation of rules and roles within the family and contaminate family relationships through a confusion of roles and responsibilities. Contrary to the ideological or theoretical notion of equality, children in the democratic-permissive model are generally not assigned domestic chores. Without accountability or consequences for neglect, children may develop a habit of shirking their obligations as they grow up, leading to real problems in their relationships during adolescence. and at the start of their adult life.

Conflict and anxiety tolerance

In this pattern, people may demonstrate low conflict tolerance and limited emotional regulation skills. When rightly disciplining their children, parents' resulting anxiety, shame, or tension causes them to resort to a pattern of abandonment to restore temporary harmony. This approach may inadvertently teach children that being more demanding leads to greater rewards, which can foster a sense of entitlement and, paradoxically, an increase in the conflict that parents seek to avoid, a truly ironic outcome.

NEEDS

• The role of parents
• Find a family counselor near me
• A better approach

To meet the challenges of the democratic-permissive model, parents must find a balance between freedom and responsibility. By combining democratic values ​​with appropriate boundaries, consistent consequences, and age-appropriate autonomy, parents can create an environment that promotes healthy growth and development in their children. The democratic-permissive model offers a unique approach to raising children that emphasizes equality, negotiation and open communication. However, parents should recognize the potential pitfalls and challenges associated with this style.

Read also:

• Systemic approach to education: Self-fulfilling prophecies   
• Training in the strategic systemic approach: the analysis of the functioning of the problem   
• "Getting out of procrastination" - General by Roberta Prato Previd  
• Getting out of procrastination – Case study  
  
• Say a little "no"  

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