5 Communication Mistakes That Ruin Relationships

Communication is punctuated. 

Punctuation refers to how we organize messages into meanings. The nature of a relationship depends on how we interpret each other's intentions and actions during communication. How we interpret the behavior of others affects our reactions, resulting in cyclical loops of cause and effect. Breaking these loops requires open dialogue and metacommunication, which allows us to speak the way we speak and clarify feelings and intentions.

 Words can be magic

To improve communication in relationships, it is important to know what can harm the connection. Likewise, it can be helpful to identify ways in which communication can break down in our relationships. If we compare dialogue to chemistry, we must first understand the harmful aspects before focusing on the positive ways to ensure the success of our relationships.

Integrating strategic communication into our relationships is a vital practice that requires ongoing commitment. It is essential to be attentive to our modes of communication, to actively listen to our relationships and to understand the other's point of view. By showing curiosity and empathy, we create a safe space for open dialogue, allowing conflicts to be addressed constructively. By honing our communication skills, our relationships deepen, trust builds, and we have more fulfilling relationships with those close to us. Effective communication is a powerful tool that positively transforms relationship dynamics. Strategically managed dialogue, with questions, paraphrasing and common ground, fosters understanding and collaboration, while active listening and empathy play a crucial role in connection. By adopting strategic communication, individuals can transform conflicts into opportunities for growth and build lasting connections in all aspects of life.

5 Common Communication Mistakes in Relationships

Blame. 

Scolding someone for their actions usually makes the situation worse instead of better. By playing the victim and blaming the other person, we perpetuate a cycle of aggression and rejection. It is important to communicate our feelings differently, avoiding blame and favoring constructive dialogue.

Preaching. 

Communication styles that resemble moral or religious sermons are not suitable for intimate relationships. Trying to impose moral standards and criticize the behavior of others can lead to resistance or even transgression. It is important to understand that preaching rarely leads to positive changes in a relationship.

Say everything and its opposite. 

This technique involves giving compliments and then criticizing the other person in the same conversation. It creates a contrast between positive and negative statements, which creates confusion and frustration. It can ruin the strongest relationships by constantly pointing out gaps. This is a toxic approach that should be avoided to promote healthy dialogue.

I told you so ! 

Making judgments like “I told you so” after a negative event only fuels anger and frustration. This implies that the person did not listen or did not appreciate the advice, which only exacerbates the situation. Such remarks can make the person feel blamed and intensify their negative emotions. We can foster healthier, more successful relationships by avoiding these communication pitfalls. Instead, let's focus on developing constructive dialogue, active listening, empathy and understanding in order to create a strong and lasting bond with our loved ones.

Recriminate

Accusing and criticizing each other's faults can cause emotional rebellion and create a wedge in the relationship. Although pointing out someone's mistakes may seem reasonable, it often leads to defensive reactions and escalation of conflict. The focus should be on understanding and solving problems rather than blaming.

Breaking

In the film The Break-Up, starring Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn, the plot centers on the deterioration of Brooke and Gary's relationship due to escalating conflicts and misunderstandings. Brooke is disappointed by the three lemons Gary bought for the centerpiece when she wanted 12. This leads to a larger discussion about their different preferences and desires, including Brooke's wish to attend a ballet , which Gary doesn't like, but both seem to not understand the message they are sending to each other. At this point, the “content” or “facts” of the situation are useless in resolving the problem at the “relationship” level.

THE ESSENTIAL: The importance of relationships

Brooke: “You have three lemons.”

Gary: "What my baby wants, my baby gets. You know that."

Brooke: “Yes, but I wanted 12. The baby wanted 12.”

Gary: “Why do you want 12 lemons?”

Brooke: “Because I’m making a centerpiece with 12 lemons.”

Gary: "So, no one eats them? They just show lemons?"

Brooke: "Yes, they just show lemons. Shown in the center of the table, I can't fill a vase with just three lemons."

Gary: "Well couldn't you use a drinking glass? We could have a smaller version of a centerpiece."

Brooke: "I'm not going to use a drinking glass for our centerpiece."

Gary: "Okay, let's forget about the centerpiece idea. Let's focus on making a better meal instead."

Gary: "What are you doing? Oh, I had such a long day on the bus. I need some rest. My feet hurt." (Sits on the sofa.)

Brooke: "Come on, my feet hurt too. I've been working all day. Can you help me set the table?"

Gary: "You've already done a good job. Don't you want to finish it yourself and have the personal power of that accomplishment?"

Brooke: "Set the table. Listen to me. It's not about lemons or flowers. It's about spending time together."

Gary: "Okay, forget ballet! We're not going anywhere together. All you do is harass me!"

Brooke: "Is that what you want? Fine. Do what you want."

Read also: 

• Systemic training: example of prescription “Look for a sign of rejection”
• How to damage your self-esteem in 8 easy steps
• Anxiety disorders: In the beginning, how to identify anxiety disorders?
• Anxiety disorders: Does the anxiety disorder make it easier to stay in the exhaustion of the stress mechanism?
• Dealing with situations of emotional distress related to COVID-19 - Claude de Scorraille

I want to consult

• Make an appointment